Matrudevo Bhava

Matrudevo Bhava, Pitrudevo Bhava Acharyadevo Bhava Atithidevo Bhava In Indian culture, parents are considered to be incarnations of God. They are highly revered and are placed on a pedestal. And this is because they spend their prime years providing for and protecting their children. Even though the way children perceive their parents today is very different, parents continue to revolve their schedules, interests, hobbies, holidays and expenditures, all around their children’s needs and preferences. By the time their children are independent, most parents are preparing for retirement. But, even after having made all those sacrifices, how successful were they in their role as parents? At the end of the day many parents often feel something is amiss. Their children don’t appear to be ready to take on life with its upheavals. Why does this happen? Is it because the young adults have set their expectations too high? Or is it because amidst providing for all their physical requirements, parents are missing out on the core emotional needs of their child? Parental roles in today’s world are much more complicated than they were in earlier times. Owing to technical advancements and networking, parents are stressed out in disciplining their children. Because of the instances they hear and all that they read in the papers, parents find it difficult to grant independence to their own off spring, in fear of it being misused. They feel the need to keep tabs on all that’s happening in their child’s life day in and day out. At the same time, parents are also cautious about the way they discipline their child. Children these days are over-sensitive to issues and thus many a time take drastic steps in haste. A young boy or girl see most of their friends and cousins accessing the latest technological inventions, attending a variety of parties, having discussions about and even experimenting with matters that maybe age inappropriate, such as sex, alcohol, drugs, live-in relationships, and more. The child in turn feels the necessity to be a part, so that he or she may be accepted and not left out or (even worse) looked down upon. Thus they too must own all such possessions, and be willing and more to attend all such outings and even indulge in what’s considered ‘cool’! To engage in these lifestyles, children depend on their parents. When parents are unable to or refuse to give into these demands, children perceive them as conservative and old fashioned. They feel their parents don’t understand them.

What is significant in these scenarios is how opposing the thought processes are. Parents are doing their best to avoid children from getting into the immense trouble that such early indulgences can bring. Children in turn with escalated curiosity, rebel and defy the rules set by parents and end up in risky experimentation. A couple of generations earlier, parents had the luxury of revealing information only after their child was matured enough to handle subjects like sex, alcohol etc. But because of the kind of access to information a child has today, parenting styles need radical transformation. Failing which the emotional distance between the parents and children is going to be wider and their relationships may remain shallow. So the challenges of parenting are far more complex.

While it is essential to give them the freedom to explore and experiment, the child simultaneously needs to learn to be responsible for such freedom. Parenting should not have to turn into controlling or demanding respect. But hand holding or guiding and being there for your child at all times is essential for wise parenting. Sometimes, it’s even about encouraging them to tread the path not taken. This gives them enormous confidence in taking decisions when they grow up. It is the space you give the child, which creates a nurturing environment for them to share all their feelings and emotions with you for the years to come. Try not to get judgmental and brand them. Be witness to all their experiments and explorations. Be willing to take help of the right people if need be, to help deal with matters you’re struggling with as a parent. A mother and father can both equally contribute to the child’s mental and physical well being, depending on their individual strengths. Let’s break the curse of the prototypes. As long as the parents and children are comfortable with each one’s role play, it shouldn’t matter who does what. Remember, YOU are your child’s biggest role models! And children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.